I am making changes. This year and the holidays coming up have really touched my heart in ways I can’t explain. My 5 year old going off to school, Miss M just about to turn 3, witnessing a friends loved one pass away and seeing our closest friends going through deep waters have left a mark on my heart. Some joyful yet some very tearful but nevertheless I see Jesus in it all. These are cherished moments.
Analyzing the past year made me realize that I might be missing out on a lot more. Spending so much time in the virtual world has made me miss out on the simple things. Late night evenings alone with my loved ones sometimes were interrupted by FB notifications or messages by my clients. Being always on the go and always hurrying my children to dress faster because their mom had other important things to do. Remembering their little disappointed faces when I could not read them a book at night because I had to go edit pictures. All of this has placed a burden on my heart.
I love photography. It’s just who I am. My highlight of photo shoot by far was meeting new clients. Meeting giggly children and couples in love creates even a bigger fire for photography. I was never an expert in this field. I never took classes or went to workshops. But somehow someway I got to where I am today and I am grateful. I am grateful for all of the clients that chose me to capture little moments of their life, grateful for all of the returning clients and referrals.
Nonetheless I need to pull the plug on photography. I want to give my clients my 100% and for them to like their photos 20 years down the road. Most importantly for my clients to love my service. But as far as I can tell I can’t manage it. Photography requires a lot of hours and sometimes I lose sight of the fine line between time for photography and time for my children. I know that there are a lot of talented photographers who have little ones and are making it work but it’s just not going to be me. Not for now at least. Maybe down the road when I get inspired I will whip something together.
So for now I want to invest into what’s really important; my two little ones. I want to create warm memories and whisper heaven into their little ears because at the end of my life when I will face Jesus my children will be all that I could bring with me. He will ask what I did here on earth and how I brought the peace, love and joy into my home. When He does… I want to say I did all I could.
My Jesus… help me and teach me.